| Everyone knows that major life changes - | | | | come up, and often unrealistic expectations have |
| divorce, death, unemployment - can be stressful | | | | to give way to a more mature understanding. |
| and lead to depression. | | | | One partner or both may become depressed |
| But not many realize that even positive life | | | | when reality sinks in, But almost every marriage |
| transitions, like starting a greatnew job or getting | | | | and every relationship can improve with the |
| married, brings stresses that can lead to | | | | correct nurturing. |
| depression. | | | | People in relationships can in fact get past this |
| And even in really good times, a person will often | | | | point and end up better for it. |
| become depressed. | | | | An elderly couple in Cincinnati entered therapy |
| When this feeling of being depressed threatens to | | | | when they had become stuck in a high-conflict |
| overwhelm, professional counseling may help. A | | | | pattern. They were always arguing. No matter |
| counselor, like a good friend, does not tell her | | | | what it was about, they could not seem to get |
| client how to deal with depression. A | | | | along. |
| goodpsychotherapist does specific, concrete | | | | Because their family had moved away and many |
| things to help her client deal with the depression, | | | | of their friends had also died recently, both |
| If you are depressed and don't know why, | | | | partners were also depressed at the way their |
| maybe you'll find some counseling tools that I've | | | | lives had ended up. |
| described below of help. | | | | Therapy helped them look beyond their problems |
| Cognitive and self-esteem therapy for depression, | | | | to the happy times they had shared. They |
| or understanding yourself | | | | accepted that any marriage needed to be |
| One young woman who moved from a close-knit | | | | constantly nurtured to be a happy marriage, and |
| rural community to Detroit to join a high-prestige | | | | that they needed to keep nurturing their |
| job found the change difficult. She had moved | | | | relationship even though they had been married |
| away from all her family and friends, and her new | | | | many yearsand had "been there and done that." |
| job was demanding. Because she was unable to | | | | The result was a much more enriching and happy |
| say no to her colleagues when theyasked her to | | | | relationship, and less depression. |
| do extra work, and because she bent over | | | | Counseling for gender-reassignment - building a |
| backwards for her family, shefrequently found | | | | network of support |
| herself saddled with far more work than she | | | | Even changes which a person has been longing for |
| could handle. | | | | may not be as fulfilling as expected when they |
| When she entered therapy, she and her | | | | come, and can actually be depressing. |
| psychotherapy counselor focused on giving her | | | | Modern cognitive theory shows us that we tend |
| the tools to say no to unreasonable demands so | | | | to over-estimate the happiness that amajor life |
| that she could stay more in control of her life. | | | | change will bring us. |
| Theydid role-playing and rehearsed what it was | | | | I can use an unusual example for this. |
| like to say "no", so she felt more comfortablewith | | | | Some people feel they have been born into the |
| the idea and would be able to say "no" when the | | | | wrong gender, and that there is a mismatch |
| time came in real life. | | | | between their mental and physical gender. These |
| Later, as the young client became more confident | | | | are the people who are likely to opt for a gender |
| that whatever she said would be kept confidential, | | | | change surgery as a permanent solution. |
| she was able to open up and they could work on | | | | They will look forward to the surgery often for |
| her anxiety and depression. | | | | months. They will develop strong feelingsthat their |
| This young woman realized that she had a | | | | lives will be much improved after the |
| pattern of neuroses throughout her life, and that | | | | gender-change. |
| she needed help figuring out who she was when | | | | But they often find that the reality is not as good |
| all the pain was stripped away. What wasleft? | | | | as they had expected. |
| Was she saying "yes" to all these demands in | | | | They find the process of surgery is itself |
| order to make up for what shefeared was lacking | | | | traumatizing. |
| on the inside? | | | | There is a loss of family support, and it is not |
| Discovering the truth of the matter gave her | | | | easy to find acceptance for the new identity. The |
| confidence in her abilities. She was able to | | | | loss of the old identity needs to be grieved over, |
| transform her anxiety into success personally and | | | | and new forms of socializing learned. |
| professionally. | | | | They can get very depressed over this. Most |
| Marriage and relationship therapy, or learning to | | | | people, with therapy to help them, can recover. |
| get along | | | | A psychotherapist can stand by people going |
| Sometimes it helps to remember that life is | | | | through the gender reassignment trauma and help |
| difficult. Just because we are having | | | | them rebuild a network of community support |
| difficultiesdoes not mean that we are failures. | | | | and their own lives. |
| Understanding this is important in close | | | | This is one of many examples of how people can |
| relationships like a marriage. | | | | get depressed for periods in their lives,and some |
| A marriage will often start out with both partners | | | | of the strategies for dealing with the depression. |
| happy, but when the demands of day-to-day life | | | | |